Do Affairs Just Happen?
By Connie H Deutsch Submitted On February 19, 2015
We used to hear people talk about their affairs as if they just happened, not planned, not intentional, and not wanted.
They might talk about being friends with someone and turning to them when things aren't going well for them or when they are feeling depressed, and this other person was there to commiserate with them when they needed a shoulder to cry on, or they met online when they were bored and felt like confiding in someone they didn't know about their personal problems and, before they knew it, they were forming a serious attachment that led to their present affair.
For whatever reason people enter into an affair, the underlying emotions are pretty much the same. They aren't happy with their present life and they're looking for an escape hatch.
Some people get into an affair deliberately, and that number is climbing with each passing year. They are looking for excitement or for someone who will appreciate them and make them feel cherished, even if it's only for a day, a week, a month, or several years.
No matter how you look at it, people don't get into affairs unless they are feeling that something is missing in their lives. You can dress it up in technical terms or a lot of psychobabble but the end result is the same. If you're happy with your partner and happy with your life, you're not going to be tempted into having an affair because your emotional needs are already being met.
Many people who are having an affair make themselves look like victims. "I had just stopped off for a drink and she was just there and there was this instant connection, and one thing led to another. Neither of us was looking for an affair; it just happened." It sounds like the perfect setup for feeling like a victim... "It just happened."
These things don't just happen. We may not be able to control who we fall in love with or who we're attracted to, but we are able to control our own actions and take responsibility for them.
We can walk into a candy store and have a fierce desire for something sweet, but we don't rob the candy store to satisfy our need for something to munch on. We may have a truckload of bills that we have to pay and no money to pay them, but most of us don't walk into a bank or a store and rob them at gunpoint. In other words, we control our actions even if they are in direct opposition to our desires or our needs.
The same can be said about affairs. We may want the excitement. We may want to feel that someone cares about us. We may want to feel that this other person understands us better than anyone else and loves us more than anyone else but the reality is that we still have control over the outcome. We don't have to have an affair. We can still say no.
Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver.
Connie is the author of the books, "Whispers of the Soul," "A Slice of Life," "Whispers of the Soul for the Rest of Your Life," "From Where I'm Sitting," "View from the Sidelines," "Reaching for the Brass Ring of Life," "Purple Days and Starry Nights," "Here and There," "And That's How it Goes," and "The Counseling Effect." Her website: http://www.conniehdeutsch.com/ See more of her articles by clicking here ConnieHDeutsch Articles
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